This girl walks into a bar and asks, "What's the Wifi password?"

Welcome!

Welcome!

Hello, world! Just in case you’re new to the internet, you’ve stumbled across this twenty-first century form of technology in which millennials talk shamelessly about themselves… a blog. Also, if you’re new to the internet, I probably don’t know you, which means my SEO is on point. Anyway, Google’s definition of a blog is as follows:

blog
/bläɡ/
(Side note, I wish we spelled blog the way it’s pronounced. It’s so cute!)
noun
a regularly updated website or web page, typically one run by an individual or small group, that is written in an informal or conversational style.
verb
add new material to or regularly update a blog.
“it’s about a week since I last blogged.”
Innocent enough, right? Well, that’s not my definition of “blog.” Mine goes a little something like this:
blog
/bläɡ/
noun
a website I will try to update as much as possible but will probably eventually forget that I own, which will cause me to waste hundreds of dollars on a domain name I won’t be using, but I won’t notice it’s happening until I check my online banking – which I don’t do as much as I should, to be honest – and between nervous crying I’ll need to speak with a customer service representative about how I can’t afford my domain payments because I can’t even afford to put food on the table (yet I’ll be munching on chips on the down-low while she’s pulling up my information); it will be written by an individual – me – but my multiple personalities will make it seem like it’s written by a whole crew; it will be written in a conversational form, so have luck with that because I. LOVE. TO. TALK.
verb
write things about stuff because I think I’m important and you can benefit from my advice even though I never listen to it myself
“I was going to call her in for an interview but then I stumbled upon her personal blog.” -Future potential employers
“Lexi started a blog? About what? Being irrelevant and socially awkward?” -Everyone from my high school

I’m Lexi, a twenty-two-year-old human being whose innate narcissism has led to one conclusion… starting a blog! Do I think my (written) voice is more important than yours? No, unless you’re a climate change denier or have ever thought, Maybe Hitler was just misunderstood. Do I think I’m hilarious? Yes, yes I do.

Anyway, welcome welcome welcome to The Girl on the T, my blog named after the hit book The Girl on the Train, which also had a movie adaptation that I haven’t seen yet but that I heard was pretty subpar. Well, this blog is nothing like that book; there will be no murder, marital problems, or multiple unreliable narrators. There may, however, be an occasional alcohol-induced blackout, but that’s beside the point. The T refers to the (unreliable, old) public transport system that Boston runs on, abbreviated from Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority to MBTA to T. In a way, I’m like the T; I move slowly, don’t operate properly in the morning, and know how to annoy a Bostonian more than anything else.

What you are reading is a lifestyle blog. AKA, what lazy people who don’t want to narrow down their category say. My posts may be consistently inconsistent, with (possibly) infrequent posts in which I act like my opinions are interesting enough for others to read for five minutes. But according to science, most readers just skim things 90% of the time, so I can say anything I want now and only 10% of people will probably see it. Butts. I’ve never seen The Godfather. Ryan Gosling. Aliens. They probably exist. Butts again. That felt good.

Stay tuned for more gems and subscribe via email! Until next time…

 

This is actually a candid picture of me laughing while thinking about farts. I’m not kidding.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *